[update]Well, that kind of worked. I clicked Publish, Google said it was “Working…”, then nothing happened and it never confirmed that the post was published to my blog. But it did post, albeit without a title and in the wrong category. Hmmmm…[/update]

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BOMB THREAT

Place this card under your telephone

Questions to ask:

1. When is bomb going to explode?

2. Where is it right now?

3. What does it look like?

4. What kind of bomb is it?

5. What will cause it to explode?

6. Did you place the bomb>

7. Why?

8. What is your address?

9. What is your name?

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Then the card goes on to ask that you note down the sex, race and age of the terrorist. Remember, this is over the phone. They’re a terrorist. You’re supposed to note the race and age. Over the phone. Of the terrorist. After you asked for their name and address.

On the back of the card you’re asked to assign the call a list of voices (”Deep Breathing”, “Normal”, etc.), background sounds (”Long distance”, “Animal”) and language (”Foul”). Oh by the way, “if voice is familiar, who did it sound like?”

I’m not making this up. I hope I never get a bomb threat just so I don’t have to ask these questions. “Uh, so Mr. Bomb Threat Guy, can I have your name and address? And is that a hippopotamus I hear in the background?”

Hmmm … then I wonder why Charlie is such a terrible listener and so often ignores, repeats or talks over his interviewee.

Enjoy, but don’t expect me to support them (unless you ask nicely).

“I don’t know,” I said but she repeated her question anyway.

“I really don’t know,” I said honestly, “I wasn’t paying attention.”

My wife and mother were standing nearby talking, and I turned to them
and asked them if they knew what Bible story was mentioned. My wife
laughed and said something about Solomon but the woman had already
moved on. I saw her walk into the church building and ask the same
question to another woman. This other woman said, “Oh gracious! Now
that you’ve asked me it’s slipped my mind!”

I’ve been thinking about this encounter all day. Where did this woman come from and why would she walk around asking this question? Our church services are printed in full every week, months in advance. If she really wanted to know what was read in the service, she could easily find out for herself. Thus, my suspicion is that she was part of an experiment, or an expose. She was probably carrying a hidden camera in those huge glasses and goofy hat, and she was trying to “expose” church-goers as inattentive listeners, as posers, as frauds. Surely anyone who had just sat through a church service could remember what was said in that church service? Well, obviously not.

But I wonder now, if she really was undercover, who was the more honest party? Her, in her duplicitousness trying to ridicule us church-goers, or me, honestly telling her that “I wasn’t paying attention.” And do you know what I was thinking about while I wasn’t paying attention? Starting this blog.